I just turned in a 4 page paper spelling absolute as "absolut" every single time. I'm an alcoholic
You think they'd ask my permission before turning Pajamarama into an orgy. I saw too many of my friends dicks at once the door got kicked down.
I feel like this is the moment of high where you have to write these texts down to remember to text them and feel that somehow this is important to the continuity of the world.
Normally this is when girls give blow jobs. That's how you mentally condition them to put up with PMSing, because they see the shinny blowjob light at the end of the tunnel.
I am pretty damn sure that neither my body or his body is ready for how drunk I am getting tonight
Btw I'm currently writing a paper in a beer garden. Be proud.
I think I may have accidentally stepped in fire
I'm wearing too many socks to be ok with this.
This feeling I'm having... is it love or a combination of alcoholism and unprotected rough sex
we just ate hash browns in a nativity scene with baby jesus
His friend still there? Be like "I need to see both of your dicks ASAP"
I'm up in my room and I just saw a naked guy sprint out into the streets from my mom's party downstairs
You do it and I'll burn these mermaid pants so help me God.
Do I masturbate or eat a pound of matazah. Alissa help what do I do??
Last night when we were having sex he put the condom on backwards the first time. While he was putting the second one on I blew up the first one, made it into a balloon and hit him in the head with it. I think we're over the honeymoon stage.
Randomize
