Well I'm going to a gay club in my banana suit. You should come. My bro is going as a pirate. I don't know if there's a theme.
Did you see that girl I got with last night?
Girl? Oh...weird...to be honest Ive always thought you were gay..
just by requesting 'I think we're alone now', not only did you achieve emptying the bar, but you also rubbed it in the owners face.
out of nowhere you said let us see your boobs, then proceeded to pull my shirt down.
i gets down
He just slept in my bed for a couple hours and asked lots of questions about gay sex. No, I do not have his number.
Pillow talk just revealed that he originally thought I was 16.
seriously considering responding to a craigslist ad for a lesbian cunninlingus instructor...at this point i'm so desperate for a job that i'm willing to switch teams.
Single person behavior: I wanted a cookie but was too lazy to make or go buy any, so I let cookie dough ice cream melt and ate all the chunks. Pantsless.
The cop asked you if you had been drinking and you said you drank milk out of a cow.
I rememeber. I showed him the picture on my phone of me drinking out of the utter, right?
Called the cops on a high school party then went in after all the kids ran away and took the rest of the beer. What are you doing tonight?
Tip of the day: Don't ever send a bootycxall at 3 in aftnoon. No one will respond n u'll just feel fooolish.
I gasped. Both pairs of lips did.
You never know true fear until you're on your period in a house full of white furniture.
Just for future reference. Do not do zumba while stoned out of your mind.
I'd like to thank Vicodin for getting me through family thanksgiving once again.
Randomize
