Corey Haim died. 80's me is so sad
I think i'm just gonna start shot-gunning everything that comes in can form.
I should just wear a shirt that says "Im Sorry" on the front because the second we land in Vegas, I'm going to be a fuckin trainwreck.
I went to class with the sex aroma on me. The hot sun doesn't help much.
I have absolutely nothing sober to say to you.
The manager of the bar we were at the night before came to my house today giving me coupons. Apperently you and i won karaoke night which is a prize of 300 beer dollars. No idea what beer dollars means nor do i have any memory of doing karaoke but lets go back tonight.
he swears he got herpes from a bowl of soup
Writing apology letters and leaving them on peoples doors for your actions is NOT what I want to be doing at 6am.
We're gonna take a moment of silence to pray... that his penis is as pretty and as talented as his brothers.
I've gotta stop getting kicked out of bars for fighting with people over the accuracy of the Harry Potter movie.
Haha at least the one I have like that you can't tell we are completely drunk and you're about to kick a glass out of my hand in a fit of joy over pizza.
that's right. bitches got laser pointers. let's fuck shit up
Morning! Got your 3am VM to remind you to get up for spin class and also confirm you were not murdered by the sketchy guy at brunch yesterday. So this is your literal and metaphorical wake up call.
I HAD SEX WITH COLBY AND HIS FIVE YEAR PLAN IS TO STEAL A REALLY EXPENSIVE PAINTING AND ASKED ME IF ID BE INTO HELPING HIM AND I WOKE UP IN HIS BED TO A WOMANS TUBE TOP NEXT TO ME
the guy had "bad bitches only" tattooed above his penis...
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