She said she had a thing for dinosaurs. Come get me now
I know ur sleeping, sorry for waking you but i just saw a girl with mittens on using her nose to control her ipod touch
I hope as the only other living being in this apartment you can explain to me why the toilet was full of cheerios this morning.
Just an FYI: The offer for you to come snow blow my driveway in return for sexual favors is still on the table
She won't let me open the car door while we are on the highway so I can throw up outside. She deserves to have her car thrown up in.
You can't text people with drinkers' regret at 8 in the morning. It's just bad form.
Ok because I want to set a new world record for how fast I can drink away my Christmas money
He just ranted to some customer about fourth of July being ruined and I just shouted USA the whole time in the background. It was kinda epic
The impact your presence has on my vagina without even putting your hands on me is quite astonishing, impressive and a little disturbing.
for not the first time in my life, my clothes are covered in piss and i'm standing in line waiting to buy pedialyte at a convenience store
HELL YEAH TIME TO KICK THE CHILDREN
Of course that's what I'm wearing. I need to find a beard to mount and ride STAT.
Everything is a learning experience. Last night we learned why I'm not allowed to bring guys home from the bar....
i forgot how loud opening a beer is in a house where your not allowed to drink
He spent ten minutes post bj, limp cock still out, in shock repeating 'best blow job ever'. So yes, yelling I am the penis queen out the car window was justified.
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