Just got yelled at by a priest...again.
i woke up with my moms heels on underneath your couch cushions
you want 1 or 2 eggos?
when im not freaking out about dying alone and unloved, i actually really enjoy being single
so i'm just gonna leave my credit card in your mailbox so you can bail me outta jail.. deal?
Thank god i puked near the cancer center. makes me look like a chemo patient
my host sister just stared at me as i knocked over the lamp, then took out all my chocolate, walked into the bathroom, and locked the door. i'm officially the worst exchange student ever.
It's a system.. i get to hook up with them and you get to play words with friends with them afterwards.
#1 RULE OF DRINKING: DELETE YOUR EX'S NUMBER FROM YOUR PHONE
You need to tell him your pregnant or we need to stop playing doubles beer-pong. My liver is begging you.
And for some reason I just want to have sex with EVERYTHING
Would you like to partake in getting high as fuck with your best friend and then proceeding to cry over the shit head guys we deal with?
Vasectomy results are in. No swimmers in the water. REPEAT. No swimmers in the water. Come help me harness my new found super-power
Accepting his friend request would be the Facebook equivalent of pity sex.
Her cat was breathing in my ear all night, like that kid from Hey Arnold.
you were just in my dream and you looked at me and said "Christmas is cold." I think you're wasted even in my dreams.
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