Hurry there's a dancing lesbian. She's a jumper and has impeccable jazz hands.
My mom just blew pot smoke into my nose and called me a cat.
Also pregame at mine tomorrow?
Waking and baking has revolutionized how i brush my teeth. Seriously up to like 25 min everry morn. Highly recommend
Upon further investigation it turns out it wasn't blood, but chocolate frosting from the cupcake I shoved in my pocket to "save for later"
I swear to god, if you fuck the hot one you're paying me back for the shot I just bought her
he said he'd buy me TWO burritos if I took my shirt off
I was like a damn cattle dog, I separated all the sheep, I can wing man for anyone on this campus.
you guys just sat there and simultaneously smoked bowls staring at each other... it was like a bowl off or something.
i hate going to her parties because i always know everyone there which means everyone knows my ex which means i wont get laid
I was sleeping pretty good until your cat pooped loudly. I dreamed that a full grown man was pooping on my ear. It startled me.
Hahahaha don't tempt me. Remember we're trying to avoid airport jail if possible
Her roommate was talking on her cell when I came out of the bedroom and I definitely heard her describe how shitty and terrified I looked. Awesome.
She was way too drunk so I dropped her off at her house and smoked a huge blunt with her mom.
I just want to bone him one last time before he moves across the country with his new (average looking) girl friend.
You know it's a bad cold when sneezing feels better than orgasming...
Randomize
