you know it is a bad morning when you forget to brush your teeth and eat old gas x in your car because its minty...
Just did a line with a monopoly bill. Tell me I'm not fancy.
you guys are cousins why the FUCK are your pants off
He said "what's the haps". I don't know what the haps are but there goes his chances
We tried to play doctor all sexually then he was taking down my 'symptoms' I said I needed to puke he thought it was part of the game
I'm about to enter vancouver's biggest liquor store. I feel like I should sent you a "wish you were here" postcard.
i don't know what happened by from the looks of her lipstick I'd say she was skull fucked by a rhino
My prof gave me extra credit for drawing a ninja on my paper and writing "ninja will up my grade"
I decided I'm going to give him a celebratory fuck for his accomplishments. Knocked on his door, handed him some condoms and said "I'll be over tonight with sex and booze"
I want to be you.
So aparently telling your roommate you're going to spoon them so hard in the public place of their employment is inappropriate
Unfortunately, the Bilbo Baggins adventure side of me that likes to go on adventures appears to be losing to the side of me that likes to smoke weed in the bathtub and watch Workaholics.
Let the record show that the first hour of my twenty-first was spent shooting tequila ans discussing the emotional integrity of werewolves.
He told me he needed "space" but then goes and likes my insta of panacakes.. Done.
Ever since I got to LA my dream self has been having sex with way too many rabbi's.
Only you could get too drunk for taco bell. I don't know if I'm jealous or ashamed. Go to bed.
Randomize
