Brandon just fucked that chick! I tried to warn him but T9 said she had "puppy roses" instead of "pussy sores"
Hemmingway ran to paris to avoid going to the university of illinois and becoming a doctor. It was there he developed a drinking problem. I need a plane ticket.
Forever 21 now has a maternity line. Even more of an incentive for me to get pregnant at a young age.
I just made Jack Daniels snow cones.
your facebook page is a work of drunk art.
The gym has a pool
my gym membership just went from "way to get in shape" to "place to go swim when I'm high"
did we decide the 'sorry about the threesome' cake was too flippant?
I dont know how to respond to your rave picture. I mean yeah, he's hot, but it just seems wrong to be like "Please tell me you fucked that guy with the pacifier!"
I figured out plans for New Year's and by figuring out I mean I've got a sugar bowl of cocaine. Start at 10?
Probably for the best. My morning wood is pretty horrible. I wouldn't want to tip the earth's axis/ create a new magnetic pole
He is so pussy whipped she has made him change his name to Toby
Dude, if that was the MLB player I think it was leaving your bedroom this morning please tell me you got his autograph. It could pay the rent for like six months.
He found out about your side hoe and still helped you try to find a lizard that got in the house
Somehow I woke up next to the bouncer who kicked us out of the bar last night...
Well hell, he's gotta sleep in the bed he's made. Multiple times. For multiple girls I'm sure.
Randomize
