is it considered a "problem" when you find a pickle slice in your bed in the morning or is it like a "super-awesome bonus"?
Note to Self: No matter how horny, turned on or in the moment you are, never go down on your gf after she had soccer practice.
i just dedicated my kegstand to your breasts
and on the fourth day, god made foam parties.
with your flexibility, and the size of my penis, amazing things are possible.
does it count as a threesome if she tried to blow the dude who was passed out next to us?
It's just my hair. It brings natural happiness. Like goldfish, big boobs, and milkshakes.
Just so you know, my new pet parrot tried to bond sexually with me today. That is what Google told me. I'm not sure of its gender.
Dude. Where are you? I'm making waffles in the waffle iron. It's beautiful.
She told me she ate a whole pizza today, and I just wanted to hug her forever.
You popped the Plan B pill then clapped twice, said "mischief managed" and headed tward the bar.
I was just wicked nice to a telemarketer... that's how stoned this woman got me.
I'm only bisexual one week out of the month. Nothing like ovulation hormones to make the genders of my hookups seem completely irrelevant.
Sorry I called bc I needed help peeing outside
But I did it
I’ve seen not one, but three Facebook articles on my feed today about “how to eat ass”. Idk what the universe is trying to tell me but it’s needs to chill
Randomize
