I almost didn't wake up for my first day of work. The 3rd bottle of champagne was a mistake. And the 2nd bottle of wine after that was probably excessive
I can die happy now, I have been kicked out of strip clubs on six different continents
she took her bra off and it was like the puppet strings had been dropped. her tits totally deflated.
I don't think anyone could emotionally handle a numb vagina.
So you used a whole package of smoked meat last night. Didn't eat it, just took it out and put it all over the fridge.
Any night you end up on the couch next to the trash can with a bag of white wine on your head is a rough night.
I must have drunkenly masturbated really loud last night, cause my roommate and his wife wont look at me
It hits you later. Like when you wake up on the floor under a puzzle later.
So half of us were already throwing up outside when the Ukrainians ask us if we're ready to start partying yet. I love this country.
As a matter of fact, I am on the treadmill with the Bottle of UV Blue as we speak.....
I feel like, for the first time today, we had a healthy yolo.
In another note. Thanks for making me get a vibrator. For real.
As we were walking to her place she stole a pizza from the delivery guy's car and when we got home she grabbed a slice, two beers, removed her pants, and said "call of duty?" im going to marry her
And when were you going to tell me to stop dancing on his coffee table singing "come on irene?"
Just had an emotional break through with the dog. That high.
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