i want two things in life...emily to stop talking and a block of cheese.
apparently he couldn't remember my name so he refereed to me as whats-her-boobs and everyone knew that it was me he was talking about
Sudden realization: I dumped him because he was too immature, yet I am the one who moved back into my parent's basement post-breakup.
Now all we have to do is pretend we haven't seen each other naked. Work tomorrow is going to be FUN.
I vaguely remember chanting "USA" at the pool when we were talking to the Frenchies.
We were pointing at fat people and chanting USA.
I don't think it's considwred fine dining when you're passing out at golden palace in chinatown at 4 am with you boss who happens to be wearing a dress.
I was in the library and saw 2 dudes hackysacking in a study room with 3 girls working. I asked if I could join; as soon as I closed the door the chicks offered me tequila shots. study session w/everyone cancelled, I'm busy.
Being home sucks. I haven't drank in like a week. Or smoked cigs. Or done drugs. Or had sex. My body is shutting down.
Omg. It's like you're one of those deprived kids living in a third world country. We need to save you.
I went down on her for 35 minutes and didn't even get a handy. I've never felt more desire to be gay in my life.
LOVE ME MORE THAN PIZZA CAN
And if you ever tell anyone that I have emotions ill kill you
I have feelings that need drinking.
Also, do you think i could get away with finishing my vodka cranberry from last night at work if i put orange juice in it? Serious question.
Yeah well, last time I said I wasn't having a big night I was being strangled in somebody's spare bed
I never want to even look at fireball again because it reminds me of the night I died and then lived to tell the tale of how I died.
Randomize
