we were wasted and he didn't have a condom so he called the front desk and asked for one. They didn't "officially" have them but the night manager happened to have one in his wallet. He brought it to the room with two mints.
I wore my underwear in the shower just in case i passed out and you had to come in and get me
i am literally watching eva make a trashbag diaper for you to sleep in tonight. whole new level of low for you.
You took a bag of frozen peas to bed wiith you "to help with the inflamation".
Apparently blazed enough to think that the sizzling meatballs in the pan were calling your name...Ssssteeeeeve
I'd be a gr8 surrogate. I'm gonna love your fetus
what is the protocol for being hungover enough to vomit in a potted plant during my botany lecture?
Lmao. We just snorted some mystery powder uriah found packged up in my car, that i know has been in there almost a year... Its adventure time.
This is a pre-sorry for hitting on and then sleeping with you're ex
She was giving me head while we were in my tree house, my mom then came out to let the dog out so she stopped so I would stop groaning, was it good? You tell me
let me just inform you that suppository-ing xanax is glorious
The profile of her ass is just unreal. Weird way to use profile I know, but never more accurate
It's rum buckets o'clock
I just want you to make me second guess my worth as a human. Is that too much to ask?
The best part about theater chicks is nothing is too cliche or out of line. I just fucked her Braveheart style in my entry way while saying goodbye.
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