Breakfast of vicodin and eggs out of a solo cup at about three in the afternoon on a wednesday...I have my life together
i'm officially boycotting relationships. hello random hook ups and treating men like meat.
Now would be a good time to set your alarm to pick me up from jail in the morning.
I just noticed that when I sneeze...my nipples get hard.
just saw someone in just a bathrobe not even tied shut run to the bathroom with a facefull of cum. Someone had a good night
Really?!? Does he think blocking me on FACEBOOK means that he doesn't have a kid with me?!
She's the worst person, but the best naked person
Who knows? Maybe we can sing afternoon delight into each other's genitals.
I'm confident that their children would come out as 100% authentic rats
I like the wholesome side of you
I'm so goddamned horny I could use all my pent up energy to tear a redwood out by its roots.
i meant to type that i went to that party for shits and giggles, but my phone corrected me and said for shots and goggles...either one works
When we were texting for those few weeks, I some how established a crush on you. And its weird and wild and stupid and silly. But these things just have to be said sometimes to determine what's real and what is infatuation. And to suffer the consequences of five am drunk philosophy. No regrets.
He's a loser but she says we just don't see the good stuff about him. It's like she's dating the Charlie Brown Christmas Tree.
I have 3 bottles of vodka in my room telling me not to go to work tomorrow.
I couldn't figure out what was more important, finishing the shot or putting out the fire on my leg.
Randomize
