Baby momma caught me doing baby daddy in reverse cowgirl. She kicked me out and i have no clothes, come get me.
I hope you walked the shit out of that shame.
Drinking wine. Reading twilight. On a Friday night. Biggest loser contest. First Place.
if that dog is afraid of alcohol then he's no dog of mine
It's like that depressing moment when you drop your cocaine in the snow.
I told him I was engaged, had 911 on speed dial and made him wear his seatbelt, then dropped his drunk ass off at his motel...probably not the night he was expecting.
You got a blow job by a girl whose nickname is "the terrible tooth"?! You are a brave man.
I say we start a new tradition. I came up with it all by myself. It's called work out, lay out, black out
Her idea of a bathing suit is... well.. she might not actually even know what one is. I've only ever seen her in a pool drunk and fully clothed or attempting to get into a pool but tripping over her pants which are at her ankles. Drunk.
I'm sitting in front of a fan naked drinking Gatorade. Motherfucking hangover probs
after he went down on me he said he wanted an air freshener for his car scented like my vag. i cant even.
Tried to land my foot on his shoulder and kicked him in the face. Then I fell into a homeless man's bike and posed with a buffalo head. How was your night?
I have just found the cubicle of sustenance. And I will rejoice at all the families that have not found this magic. This vodka cubicle of magic.
But being sober is boring. Everything takes so long, I feel like I'm just waiting in line to die.
My head is bruised from having sex in the backseat of an explorer last night.
LOOK AT HOW SMOOTH THIS BITCH IS
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