It was awkward until we both realized our obsessions with harry potter and sangrias were the same. Now were in love.
You need tk get a life and stop texting me about fictional characters. I don't give a shit.
I fuked that chick last night and she kept saying, "oh...oh....oh", like Bill Lumberg
so what did you do?
I did the mash I did the monster mash It was a graveyard smash!
Learn some fucking English or leave me alone! "Your" is for something that belongs to you, like 'your herpes'. And "you're" is a contraction for "you are", like "you're not sleeping with me".
dude, there's a fucking musical in my head. it's fucking awesome being this high.
He spanked me with a plate. I'm not sure where this is going...
I'll offer my penis as collateral. You can hold title to it till I pay you back.
I'm out of mixers so I am using sugar water. Times are tough.
Mike showed up naked and in handcuffs. Again. Feel free to come over and laugh because I'm not helping this time.
Learn from me. Do not smoke cigs and fold laundry in your room. The cigarette will fall into the dresser without you noticing and your shirts will be on fire. Wanna go shopping tomorrow? I need some new shirts.
I wish I could have a tequila IV with me all the time. Intravenous tequila intoxication.
The fact that I can now puke rainbows on snapchat makes my life that much better
I'm by myself. some Midwest chick is hitting on me because I gave her a deviled egg. I need the distraction.
He woke me up holding a gallon of apple juice and a shot glass...
He kept saying "Welcome to Indianapolis" over and over while we were having sex...because that's his hometown. I was scared and confused... I didn't know if I should have said thank you or what.
last night you said that you wanted to hold my dick as you slept because it was like having a stuffed animal.
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