2:23 am: come sit on my lap i have a stick that'll keep you in place
If we keep treating our bodies like amusement parks we have another 10 years left at best.
It is obvious to me now why clam chowder & beer aren't a good combo.
he kept refering to his penis as the "eternal sunshine"
You tend to look at life differently when you wake up to nutella vomit all over your room with no recollection of how it got there
You know how to spell recollection?
There's guys at my school running around throwing potatoes shouting "remember the famine." makes me proud to be Irish.
i got a standing ovation for bringing skittles to the party
I have a friend that keeps saying he wants to go bear hunting. Thought I would say just walk down church street at night. What intersection is it?
Jus saw ur date getting a bj in the mcdonalds parking lot...u want anything?
My class coordinator for bio told us that the only thing we should do the night before an exam is to get laid. And then party down after the exam. I like him.
Is it weird that I noticed my lower half feels strange and then further realized it's bc I'm wearing underwear to bed for the first time in weeks..maybe months?
His chest is so hairy i want to pet it with my nipples.
The guy got mobbed on, all hell broke loose. About 20 cops showed up, and this kid somehow convinced a cop that letting him pee in front of him is justifiable. This guy could sweet talk Hellen Keller, he was THAT good
Just checked out of walmart with a 30 pack of Budlight and a wiffle bat. Hello, Monday night.
Long story short wrist restraints, Apple Watch and cumming all don’t mix
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