he went up stairs with nothing on but calvin klein's and an eskimo hat, said hi to her dad, got a doughnut, and left like it was an everyday thing
he walkred up to the manager at dennys and said 'look, my friends passed out in your bathroom, can i go get her?'
Why do they give me cups on $8 pitcher night? I HAVE A PITCHER.
Also I legit had a girl at my bar crying tonight saying to her friend "why did he have to take his top off ?"
We're gona eat taco bell and then take exlax and see who can hold it in the longest. Loser has to pay for drinks all weekend. You in?
What's up with the fire hydrant in the laundry room?
Ugh I can't even look at alcohol this weekend, my body needs to heal.
If you don't ever hear from me again, just know that I loved you
Jesus Christ that's like a real possibility
Eredayimstrugglin ..Can we talk about the fact that I just typed "er" and it autocorrected to that. Fuck my life.
There is a severe lack of banging on that itinerary... I'd like a revision on my desk within the hour
Hook ups at LEGOLAND don't count right?
Are we playing inappropriate sexual encounters bingo?
My Easter Basket from my parents consisted of one chocolate bunny and a massive amount of condoms and a single note saying "the pope approves of the use of condoms" love mom and dad
Fuck these bullshit days. My underwear are still inside out.
Dentist appt at 2pm get milk poured on my tits by 2am
A marvelous 12 hours
We just did a u turn on the highway to settle a dispute in a game of slug bug
Randomize
