I'm going to use my one free fuck up card tonight.
What'd you do?
Its more like what im about to do.
Banged a lazy eyed chick last night. It was like fucking an iguana.
Woke up to a bouquet of flowers in my toilet bowl. Drunk hubby loves me.
Now you know for the next time you go in the basement to wear a helmet
I'm sitting next to a ginger. She is decked out in olive green. Gingers fucking love olive green.
I'm responsible for my client's overall well-being. Which is terrifying coming from someone that can't stop masturbating and eats leftover pizza just about everyday.
Also this freshmen guy is talking about his gag reflex and no one is making blowjob jokes. I have no faith in the next generation.
Actually let's just focus our energy on not getting committed to a psych ward.
As if I wouldn't steal Nintendo brand "Mario is my HOMEBOY!" boxers when he gave me the entire drawer to choose from.
I am thinking about buying a decorative chest for all our sex stuff....
The stripper was dressed as the green lantern. Even for a geeky girls' bachelorette party it was lame ass.
BUT DID YOU RIDE THAT DICK INTO THE SUNSET THO?
It's a herpes check up not a beauty pageant
2016 was supposed to be my year of being a ho, but I guess 2017 might be too.
Give it up bro. I’m not wearing pants or a bra and only an act of god could change that
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