You were so drunk last night you thought you force pushed the automatic door open.
She calls her new ritual "bed, bath, and beyond crunk". Hence why I found her passed out in my bath tub this morning.
I feel like if you stuck me in a room with all my old toys it'd be the best high ever.
I see you felt the need to carve your name in my kitchen table. thanks
He managed to tell me he was blind in one eye and convince me to have sex with him in the same conversation. It's love.
How do you say "I'm sorry I beat you up while cumming" in German?
I mean really it's like when you're super hungry and you can't decide what to eat, you just know you want food. This is that situation, but for my vagina
Pretty sure I just shit out pure stomach acid. I'll explain after you take me to a hospital
Teflon bitches. Nothing fucking sticks to this kid, not even a kid. Maury Povitched this shit outta that situation.
I'm tryin a pb and onion sandwich now
Please smoke with me until I agree that sounds like a good idea
You want to know how I feel? I feel like Cady Heron pushed me in front of a bus last night.
You know you've been having sex for 9 months when you do Rock Paper Scissors for who has to go on top
You ate ashes out of my bong
About to wash down a xan with an iced pumpkin spiced latte from starbs and I feel like I've never lived up to my stereotype so much at one time
The logic in me says "don't text him" .But the vagina in me says "text him".
Randomize
