Tell me why Im cashing out of Walmart with Smirnoff and catfood
don't worry dude, we didn't fuck on your bed out of respect for you
couldn't find a condom?
basically
You kept saying "sir officer" which would have been polite and helped you if it wasn't a female. She was pissed.
She is a social worker. An actual good person trying to save the world. I feel like every time I give her an orgasm God wipes a little smudge off of my shit list.
You started a dance party so that you could steal their vodka and shouted "sailors out!"
I have acquired 14 pictures of hard dicks tonight... I was on a mission. Don't even pretend you aren't proud.
She said we could only have sex if she got to keep her fake moustache on during
It was like being fucked by the god of thunder, he gained power from the storm. I took a Plan B because I don't think regular birth control will stop Thor's sperm.
All I see when I think of you are dancing penis angels around your head.
Some guy just ate one of the dog treats. I have him a free beer. I love my job.
On her way to bed she said, "If you have sex on the couch, just move my blanket" Needles to say, we moved the blanket
I told her I was going to masterbate myself into a coma... We have another date on Thursday.
It wouldn't be New Years Eve if we knew where we would be at midnight
That was when I yelled "Wisconsin powers activate!" and took off sprinting across the ice
But I made it seem like I wasn't hungover at work, so that's a plus.
Randomize
