I mixed the ketchup wit the mustard in one bottle to save time making hotdogs
Just bought lingerie with the intention of wearing it as a shirt. It's going to be that kind of weekend.
He wants to know how I lost my bra in his pants....id like to know too
Your "OraGel will numb anything" theory was the worst thing I ever believed in.
I feel like I wont be making enough money to support my frivilous lifestyle of beer and mcdonalds
He is now tagging himself in my pics from last year where he is barely visable in the corner. i feel like he's marking his territory.
Only thing I got out of his drunken Spanish is something that sounded like "pencil sharpener." Damn rosetta stone.
See, thats where im at with my life, welcome to the slut yaht we will be cruising comfortably all summer at an extremely drunken relaxing pace S.S. Slut Bucket
You've never even broken a bone. You singlehandedly disprove natural selection
I heard you were drinking whiskey straight from the bottle last night.
Actually I was drinking whiskey straight from 3 bottles, but that is neither here nor there.
How is it that on the one day I'm just moving my car at 6:30 I get the walk of shame looks but when I come home at 9 am in a torn dress holding heels old ladies smile at me?
i knew it was a party when i saw you sitting on the couch naked with the keg in your lap, still drinking and passing out cups
I am mentally ready for anal.
He had a small dick and screamed "I will kill you if you don't get hard" to it in German...awkward time to have to explain I speak German too...
This is why you need to stop sleeping with freshmen.
man do I wish I knew who this naked guy in my room was...
Randomize
