Who said anything about talking that was a booty call
i'm like carrie bradshaw but prettier and with a penis
If he doesn't notice me by the next party, i'm just gonna go up to him and pll his pants down and blow him.
Sounds like a plan.
Just got a call at work, I have to consent to a random drug and alcohol test by end of business day, if you arranged this it's the best/worst April fools prank ever.
Right now, my father is sitting on the couch, totally smashed, crying, eating pringles, and watching the credits of Transformers 2. Love him.
He just did blow off my nipples. He's not serious about his girlfriend.
I will expect an hourly check text to confirm you are alive and that you aren't dead in a ditch somewhere with a hobo dry humping your corpse
I do NOT want to date a man who has no interest in going to a kangaroo farm
He said did you just interrupt me midsentence to admire another man's penis?
Trust me. My dick only does selfies for you.
I touched a dick in church today
I wanted to say "you're a souless cunt" but in a nice way. So I added a smiley face.
We both shit in the same closet in Santa Fe. Nothing is sacred anymore.
Fuck it, I work hard. I deserve nice sex toys
My butthole is tingling. Must be the grapefruit juice
Randomize
