HOLY SHIT! Did you see the dick on that Great White Shark?!?!?!
omh. i just found SHIT IN THE SHOWER! who the fuck does that? and why do i always seem to find it?
clearly I should have checked to see if he was an NRA member before I went back to his house and woke up in Heston's haven.
3 complete strangers have joyously high-fived me on campus today. Tell me why, starting after jager bomb #4.
I know...I feel like disliking her as a person on facebook
Ok Ghana you win again. Tell you what...Double or nothing over women's tennis, basketball, hockey, war, baseball, golf, swimming, diving, oil spills, box office proceeds, internet porn sites, criminals incarcerated, women's downhill, bass fishing, NASCAR, or GDP?
When else am I ever going to have a chance to do lines with T-Pain?
last nights episode of shot friends brought to you by polish vodka and flamingo baseball. pickles cure hangovers.
He is the blood diamond of hook ups. You think you want it...but you don't
On my way to get pizza I followed a dog into Salvation Army where I was just hired
I'm pretty sure I imagined the dog... They still hired me
He's unconstrained by sanity, physics, or his liver.
how do you make "fuck me in the break room" sound casual?
Never ever make a tattoo bet. I now have a shamrock on my dick.
I'm not sure what happened last night but my dog has a red cup taped to his back with a little beer and a ping pong ball in it..
We invented a new game.
so on the street and some kid is chanting "cheeseburger, cheeseburger, cheeseburger!" while pumping his fist in the air. i agree.
Randomize
