walking on gravel proved too much for her barefeet so she traded her bra for some guys sneakers.
my sisters under your porch take her home
He told me to pretend to be a shark, and he would slay me with his harpoon cock.
literally. a puddle of blood. on the floor. still searching for the source
Let's play a little game of "Last Night Never Happened"
All my credit cards need to be pressure washed
looking at my texts from you makes me want to throw up in my pants
Jenna, I'm going to use all my homosexual powers to steal him from you
Austin, I will climb on top of your shoulders and slowly suffocate you with my vagina
I learned that I order a bunch of dollar shots at the bar and once it's ready turned around and say "who wants pay?" And someone will pay
I just bought a blender and 120 pizza rolls. Bring tequila.
I'm wine drunk & this is not good news for anybody
I forgot to tell you, that tinder guy literally lives 15 floors beneath me. I have been creepily saying things to him like "I see youve got a hammer on the patio"
I'm eating ice cream out of my purse
i think i left you like a 5 minute message about the mcchicken burger i was eating. I think I called wanting sex but the mcchicken burger was a lot more seducing.
He had me sit on his face until I begged him to stop, then held me there 5 minutes longer. I rested my head on his chest, told him I needed time to recover....and slept for 6 hours. By the time I woke, he was already at work. I just sent him a countdown times until his shift is over.
Randomize
