I'm sad I can't be there is wknd, I'm laying on the beach and daydreaming of you / crying a bit
I'm watching a porn and daydreaming of you. Sounds like we both need Kleenex
i spent 15 mins trying to take money out of ATM with my drivers license saying, "what the fuckkkk" everytime it didnt work
She is two pictures of justin bieber away from being blocked from my news feed
He's drunk and putting on a tie for the jimmy john's delivery guy
I expect to be treated like a lady. Even If your sticking it in my ass.
Code red. She won't talk to me. Maybe it has something to do with her raccoon eyes. Perry said there was a brief moment of towel fighting until you passed out. Did you draw the turtle on my ass?
Life gets in the way of sexy Saturday sometimes
Quick! What do I wear on a 4 hour road trip with an older guy in the army I had pantomime sex with in a hotel a few months ago?
Haha, maybe if he wasn't dressed up like Kimmy Gibler he could give her the D
so much tequila, so little girl.
Every time I started to really hate the guys on tinder, the universe throws me a muscly beardy bone.
are you fucking roseanne barr in there?
the hot lifeguard just pulled a McDonald's cheeseburger out of her fanny pack.
Puking out the window is really hard when you're the one driving.
I’m looking forward to our Cougar years. These freshmen know how to fuck
Randomize
