Raise your hand if you bought 2 annoying girls shots of water. CLOWNS.
And then she said we stopped for a train and i tried crawling out the back window.. again, i dont remember this.
I saw a chick at 8 am this morning walking back to my dorm wearing wings... I'm kind of jealous.
I'm drinking Dom Perignon from the bottle with a straw just to piss of some french dude.
We gotta make a movie eventually. All good, long-lasting relationships include a homemade porno
i woke up with a wedding ring drawn on my finger...if this was vegas id be worried
He said he got laid, but you and i both know he was too high to leave his house.
Apparently from about 3-5AM I was consoling that crying stripper about her life choices.
Guy hitting on me at bar is guy who's Craigslist ad we laughed at the other night. Not even kidding.
WHEN THE FUCK DID MCDONALD'S DECIDE TO QUIT SERVING BURGERS AT 1:00AM?
I would peed on everything
Looks better than the half a blow job I got the other night which I had to finish myself. From a chick I refer to simply as "mom jeans".
Lets get drunk and then you just wraps me into a present because that sounds like fun after the past 3 glasses of wine I drank
My sober self will be embarrassed tomorrow. For now I am laughing my ass off.
now that we broke up we are playing hot potato with the cock ring.. Poor thing just needs a home
Tent sex on an air mattress requires balance and flexibility. Not for the faint of heart
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