That was a long time ago. She needed the money.
took 5 apple pie shots. caution: flames. not digestable.
Yet again my drunken self has managed to find his way into the middle of nowhere with no shoes or recollection of what happened last night.
Then I guess you don't remember me driving you there after you tried making out with my girlfriend, dipshit.
Just found out that I was singing john legend songs as I threw up last night. Quality.
i used the pictures of vaginas in your biology book to jack off.
I only have two new blunt burns this year as opposed to freshman year's 6. This is growing up.
Just remembered getting lost in a "shortcut" through yards and GPSing my way home last night
he literaly had a hockey helmet on and was swan diving off the couch onto the coffee table.
I may or may not have shit out a layer of my liver after that weekend.
Just saw 1 guy dressed as a cow and another dressed as a shrimp dancing on the side of the road. We're turning around I NEED to dance with them.
So hungover. I'm getting too old for trolloping around in disco shorts going shot for shot with well behaved underclassmen in an effort to lure them to the dark side of alcoholism and liver failure.
Attempting to sleep without a bra since i got my nips pierced wish me luck. Also almost sent that to my coworker.
I can't tell if I have the Pizza Hut shits or beer shits
Snaps to my Ella Fitzgerald station for such a jazzy walk of shame
I'm naked on my couch and just ate a chip that was in my belly button.. my 20s have been weird.
Randomize
