He was legit dry humping me to the sportscenter theme song, awkward i think SO.
All the walks of shame were condensed into the hour before parents started showing up. Move out day is so bittersweet
i want you to know that after i type the word "your" , vagina is next on my auto correct text
the night got glorious when you tried to do an upside down keg stand with a near empty key and dropped it on your face
walk of shame this morning involved walking through the in-home daycare that she runs while it was full of kids. judgemental little shits. on a plus, got a juice box and a graham cracker for the walk home.
i was completely deserted.. so i stood outside starbucks for 20 minutes trying to convince the employees to open early and take care of me.. fuck you guys
I'm pretty sure I did the Macarena with a gay guy while shot gunning a beer
She was pouring Goldschlager in my mouth during the shower sex. How can you NOT like her?
So, I'm tripsitting Ruben cause he's on LSD, and he's starting to eat the chair because 'it is evil' according to him... I can't choose: should I stop him or film it?
your life is going to be an empowering working mom montage tomorrow to Katy P's ROAR... --are you living in a yoplaít comercial?
My doctor actually said I was suffering from an "acute hangover" in doctor's note I asked him for....what a douche
i mean hes a break dancing puerto rican, how do you think the sex was?
So what did you do since you didn't go out?
...ate chocolate and watched bring it on....it's like I don't even know what it would look like to be straight.
Why the fuck was I face down on the floor with you mounting me like a horse anyway? I'm so confused
What are we just gonna be those girls that get fucked in your parents basement and not get taken to dinner? I don't wanna be those girls.
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