I just spent an unhealthy amount of money overnighting a full adult sized Trix Rabbit Halloween costume
I farted on Jack's balls last night. He got pissed and walked away cause he knew it was on purpose. I couldn't hold it in anymore.
this kid just offered me adderall in exchange for my meal points. college at its finest
my credit card is covered in vodka and bad memories
Drunk on Tuesday. Double fisting. Mmmbop is playing. Only girl in the group. Life is complete.
Were you rubbing your penis on me while I slept? I smell like penis.
Please say a prayer for the elevator people at work today. My farts are significantly more potent the day after hitting that korean place for lunch...
Girl it's 3:30 get your life together and come enjoy a bowl, some coffee and a brownie with me
We got to his house at 7am and two random guys were on the couch shot gunning beers saying we were late for the party
Of all the things that can be stripped of me i'll be damned if it's my vanity
Why did I see a weird snapchat of you barking at McDonald's last night?
That's too much drama for once a month dick... that's in-house dick drama only
IN OTHER NEWS did you guys see Orlando Bloom's penis today? I did
Where you at? Come home and endure this shit show called "The Second Presidential Debate".
We've been fucking like crazy ever since she quit her job..ive been running errands all day to stay out of the house and give my dick a day of rest
I hate my life now
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