guy from last night has fluorescent crocs in his closet. judging by the rest of his clothes he doesn't wear them in an ironic way
I swear coke makes your nose hairs grow out of control
It's so hard to take my boss as an authorative figure with her New Moon movie tickets taped to her wall
Note: footlong is not the password to the subway wi fi network.. p.s- im super high
It's like trying to pry an octopus off you. Except the octopus speaks English and can get drunk.
I positioned my bed perfectly so around 10 a.m. every morning there are rays of sunshine coming through the window in my room. Now i can tan while PTFO.
Do you remember using the heel of your shoe as a shish kabob stick? You offered me some chicken, but I declined.
That's the last time you suggest we can get our tab wiped by out-drinking the bartender.
It was my card, so what do you care that you lost?
Is your card paying for my plan b?
I ended up with bruises on the back of my knees. Tell me again how I did this?
You took photos of my underwear around London the day after! THAT was too soon.
The last thing I remember from that party was me shouting "hold my feet I'm going in strapped like Rambo"
I swear if you get so drunk that I have to sing Bohemian Rhapsody to you again to get you to come out of the bathroom I'm leaving you at the bar this time.
hey u leave my anime porn out of this
I am coming home with the worst sun burn of my life, two unused condoms, and an unworn slutty dress. Worst. Bachelorette. Party. Ever.
Was just at a stoplight and some kid was smoking a blunt and we smiled at him and he offered to pass it between cars... Only in Rockford
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