just woke up and he was jacking off in the corner.. am i being punked?
I woke up in what appears to be a taco bell graveyard in my bed.
You guys were grinding to YMCA. I knew you were going to hook up with him.
My parole officer gave me condoms and a Starbucks gift card ... happy holidays.
Theres dried jager, barbecue sauce and frie remnants all over my front seat.
In a cab. Towels everywhere. Confused.
Technically he's married but he says it's "not like that" even tho his wife lives with him. Not sure if I believe him but I'm sleeping with him anyway.
Lesson learned the hard way. If it's a "no" on a dating site, it's also a no if you ever run into the person anyplace in public. It's a slap if you mention wanting to poke.
all I'm saying is that my epic blow jobs have made grown professional football players cry in ecstasy
Im pretty sure my housekeeper high fived her on the way out this morning
HE'S LIKE A GREEK GOD BUT HE'S FROM BOSTON. HE'S A BOSTON GOD
pray to him
I WANNA PRAY ON HIS DICK
My life is literally "I'm too horny you can't leave" or "let's have pie" there's like no inbetween
His parents came home, and now I'm hiding in a closet; awaiting death at dawn.
You are always hiding in a closet though??
After he finished he laid there and told me how much work that just was. I looked at him and told him not to ruin a good thing by opening his mouth.
she said. She was going to, and I quote, "put her vagina inside my dick".
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