i just woke up and "where the fuck is taco bell" was in my search engine...
Just had a conversation with Jon gosselin
Until you fuck him in front of his kids stop wasting my time with stupid texts.
I just looked at all of our spring break pictures... there's a guy getting a blow job in the background of the ones on the beach.
NEWS FLASH: A bottle of wine can fit into a taco bell cup.
I've done unspeakable things to your penis. I have every right to give it a name.
im really going to miss that car, so many blow jobs...
Just thought you should know that your brother tried to febreeze his floors with cooking spray last night.
What can I say? When alcohol is my motivation, I can move mountains.
Thanks for walking over, a conversation about David Bowie's dick as a muppet is exactly what my day was missing.
Some lady found my secret pooping bathroom at work. Do I fight her Highlander style? I made or may not be fashioning a crude sword from seat covers and toilet paper rolls.
Do it. DO IT. There can be only one.
Instead of a fine and a few hours in jail he chose to get tasered, break his neck and shit his pants
You have talents. You got me laid two weekends in a row in two different cities.
I'm determining which apartments I'm mostly to move into based on how suitable the kitchens are for sex .
TURNS OUT they were both cheating. Like the Gift of the Magi except for shitty people
I don't like kids.
You were literally holding a baby 5 minutes ago
I like them before they learn to speak and after they learn to think.
Randomize
