its like think what a normal person would think but completely the opposite.
I can actually hear my brain cells scream as they die when she speaks.
Now I'm watching The History of Sex on the History Channel. They're talking about how repressed the 30s were. I think I understand why grandma is such an angry person.
My heart is having a hard time convincing my vagina he's not worth it.
But you have work tomorrow. And a whore to pick up. And a dinner to eat. And a vagina to slaughter. Your day is full!
I appreciate the concept of vaginal slaughtering.
It was awesome explaining why I had a tiger with boxers in my bed, a little bit drunk, to a girl in a pre-sex moment
I know. he thinks we're 'meant to be'. No we're fucking not. God wouldn't give my soulmate a pencil dick.
I'm not even mad. I was just trying to get a boner, you're the one that had to see that
i projectile vomited shoeless at 7:30 a.m. in a taco bell parking lot. never again.
I just sneezed and margarita mix and ash came out of my nose. I love jersey
YOU HAVE PISSED AND FUCKED ON LITERALLY EVERYTHING IN MY HOUSE
Not everything, just a few things. And only a few times. The odds are really not all that bad when you break it down.
you’ve pissed every time you slept over. there’s no such thing as odds anymore. it’s guaranteed
I tried to help you up but you said "let me dance it off"
The coast is clear - also, would it bother you if I chose not to wear pants?
The career specialist read an Onion article to us. Please send help.
I went with vodka instead of tequila tonight so I make better decisions. Fool proof plan.
Randomize
