I walked out of the bathroom and both of you girls were giving the gay guy head. I was like, "laaaterrr."
I don't apprectiate you insinuating that my breasts have a sort of bremuda triangle effect
I give him blow jobs while he watches sports.. how am I not his gf yet??
something came early last nite... and lemme tell u it wasn't christmas...
he's having a long distance Facebook-coordinated power hour. the status update has 159 comments ...
Okay, guy from work I want to fuck just told me he liked the font on my PowerPoint presentation. It is so on.
Make me proud, climb that corporate ladder.
Did you get the "i have a yeast infection from that wet frat bathroom floor" text?
dude. this chick is staring at me like i gave her brother herpes.
Its like a zucchini between his legs. An orgasmic zucchini.
Are taco bell cups microwave safe? I can't make that judgement right now
Because selling drugs to kids never goes out of business. We get older, they stay the same stupid.
There's some band that practices next door to my apartment. I'm thinking we may need to check that out. I could be like, "Hey boys, thought you might like some lemonade and vagina."
Now we're discussing the sex we had and the later lack thereof. It's like marriage counseling via snapchat.
"I wonder if vinegar is some sort of magical hangover cure" "...no I was definitely still drunk and drinking vinegar because I was thirsty"
you stood in front of the mirror for 20 minutes and finally said, "he can hear everything i'm saying inside my head. we need to leave." now try and tell me there is no such thing as too high.
Randomize
