my dad wants uyo to call him right now...reverse drunk dialing
i'm officially boycotting relationships. hello random hook ups and treating men like meat.
I seriously need to stop naming my lingerie sets after the boys I wear them for. I seriously just asked mom if she put Brett in the dryer
hot pretzels for dinner, snacks, and now breakfast...oh to be a poor college student...everyday is like a carnival.
he made a joke about you fucking his daughter...i think youre golden
we are currently watching a singalong porn...just thought you should know
I mean, I'm not looking for prince charming. I'm looking for the glass slipper of dicks.
I couldn't figure out her damn button fly jeans... IM NOT A FUCKING ENGINEER
I think you were giving a sex seminar on your kitchen table last night.
Didn't know hookah bars could end badly. I feel for her hair
Karaoke machines out. We're taking turns farting into the microphone. Shits going south fast. Definitely be awake when you get home.
I feel like shit, and I can't get the band aids off my nipples.
so go get some goddamn bacon and lay in his bed naked. he'll love it.
ya I went to the grocery store literally just for cheese and condoms
AMAZON SELLS SEX SWINGS!
Randomize
