I am I'm going to have heart failure he's peed on my life.
nothing tight i'm going to stuff myself with food and alchy
I woke up and my panties were thumbtacked to his wall. Out of my reach.
I got drunk and threw up on a kid at the amusement park. I think they're pressing charges.
He slapped my ass and hummed the jello theme song, which was followed by an overly loud "IT'S ALIVE!"
I hope the prosecutor is a dude cause my lawyer is hot.
I have no recollection of sleep choking you
Did i actually sleep there? Or did i just get sand everywhere?
Apparently i asked the cab driver how much the ride was going to cost, (he said about $25) then i offered him 50 to let me drive the cab...
Very impressive. My GPA is the same amount of orgasms I can offer tonight (valid only tonight): 3.5
Plus, I've always wanted to drive in rush hour with a huge cock drawn on my hood
I suppose we should both be prepared for the secret service to come visit us after this conversation. Hi NSA.
i feel like you should know pants are always optional
You got drunk, made toast, and declared yourself a domestic goddess.
He really is. Owns his own house and has more than one towel!
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