U shoulda just taken her to a stall and banged her and let me watch the game. Some friend u r.
Breaking hearts and overdosing on semen. That's my life.
We broke two of his toes while having sex. He laughed said he'd fix it in the morning and kept going. I think I'm in love
Just bought all my wine for the weekend with a check at 11am. I'm almost judging myself.
As the night goes on these shots are getting so much easier. My liver jst needed a warmup lap.
He corrected my use of grammar... I think we both know that means i have to sleep with him
Well would you like to come over anyway? I will be wearing sweatpants and disappointment. Also, I have Jack Daniels and I've managed to get drunk in under half an hour. But my boobs look awesome.
Gotta get dat. Gotta get dat. Gotta get dat dat dat dat dat ~uterus contraction~
He just made my one night stand pancakes for breakfast. And I thought living with my ex was going to be weird.
Pretty sure I was impersonating Rihanna when I kept asking him what my name was while we were making out
He's so sweet...I can't see him enjoying that I got injured during sex.
Dude on a beach in sicily and a blonde jesus just smoked us out and then tried to makeout with me I am never leaving this place
you blew the guy with all the harry potter paraphanelia didn't you
What's a sexy way to say balls deep???
So I just accidentally joined a bar crawl and got a free shotski of Jameson. I love life.
Randomize
