He was eating me out on the dryer...and his mom walked in with her laundry basket...
He wasn't the only one with a full load.
she looks like stephen colbert with that blond wig he was wearing last night.
She laid down on my bed and played "I want you to want me" on my laptop. subtle.
the pub in dfw airport has a countdown timer to st. pattys day, to the second, i like texas
But on the up side she uprooted a whole peony plant from the hotel downtown and said, "I brought you flowers"
Just had a brita power hour to try to counter act all the wine i chugged last night.....fucking franzia
He's cheating on her.
Are you sure it wasn't her?
I have my glasses on, and as long as she didn't change her face in the past two months; its her.
THE CONDOM ONLY COVERS HALF OF HIS DICK I AM IN THE BATHROOM PANICKING
...I think i just fell in love with a random undergrad at first glance. He was the awkward young adult version of captain hook. Dear god i need to get off this campus.
You both ran and jumped into the tub yelling Jamaican bobsled team
I told you that you should stop drinking and you responded "Thanks for telling me how to live, North Korea!"
I can't masturbate without laughing really hard at some point and it's entirely your fault.
He said "I can't believe I had sex with a cat lady". Am I flattered or is this a new low?
I was running because his wife invited me to join them on their kinky Vegas weekend. Crossing state lines is too much commitment for me.
Some sorority went “Dick or Treating” at a frat house and now the Halloween parties are canceled
Randomize
