I feel like my whole life has been one big pre-game for Mexico.
I just want you to know if you wake up tomorrow morning and wreak of mustard, I was not involved.
how was ur day?
this is strictly sexting don't make small talk.
I'm mentally preparing my vagina for this semester. It's fucking welcome week. I'm going to be talking to her all night.
you might as well be a hobo. you were covered in pee last night hanging out on the stairs drunk.
right. well we all have our lows.
I thought you were single?
I am. But thats cuz no one wants to marry shame and regret doused in tequila. But thanks for reminding me ya dick.
im the best fifth wheel. all four of them separately bribed me to never speak of what happened last night
Seriously? A BAR is SPONSORING my 21... What did you do for your 21 again??
did I ever tell you about my gay jesus theory?
No it's like. I don't respect you. And I think you're a terrible person but. I still wanna bone it out.
You have no concept of how high I am, do you?
I left the office with a vacuum, 2 condoms and 300 dollars cash money. Tell me I don't have the most versatile job on the planet.
Stop getting drunk and running away. I can'tell chase you. Iim in heels and have big boobs. Running is a bad idea for me.
Comedy Central is in dire need of more sitable faces late at night - Trevor Noah has a baby face - there are federal rules against those types of sexual fantasies
should i feel bad about fucking you on my front lawn the day before you set me up with your best friend?
Randomize
