non applicator tampons are so hard to put in when your drunk. i fingered myself for 10 minutes and forgot what i was trying to do.
after drinking 6 jumbo margaritas he then proceeded to tell the entire restaurant that he was going to "bust a load in me" when we got home....how do you think the rest of my night went?
totally watching dr. phil and getting eaten out right now. be jealous.
My 8 year old wants to name our new cat "fur burger". how do i explain that this is not really appropriate?
A few things for you to consider: 1. Drunk enough that I'm looking up the dictionary definition of Wish. 2. Dictionary.com has new features. 3. Windows is offering me 500 business cards for 5 bucks. 4. I've always wanted a card that says I'm a ninja
As it turns out, strippers don't accept checks.
was just hit on by a homeless lesbian. forever alone.
She was giving you that "I really want to blow you but I have to act professional" look. Guaranteed
sorry can't. you know Saturday is the masturbating day for single sorority girls here.
BTW the amount of schmoozing I am doing towards some guy for an ID that may or may not look like you... You better love me.
Just got a blowjob from a coed in exchange for saving her an iPhone 5 when I get them in stock. Sometimes it's awesome to be a Verizon employee.
I need to immerse myself in a tub of peroxide to kill whatever traces of him are on me.
ive decided that just saying "yes" when people assume I am something other than Caucasian will highly benefit my love life. last night I was native.
I just broke a sweat masturbating on a Friday night. I may need a boyfriend.
Idk what's happening right now but im wearing a tutu and pissed as fuck.
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