Wtf am i supposed to tell my kids when they ask about my first time? "Mommy got drunk off her ass and fucked a total stranger in another stranger's bedroom, then got abandoned by the selfish prick and walk of shamed to the nearest gas station to call a cab, but ended up passed out in a park in a pool of her own puke."
At least mommy was smart enough to use protection and hack into the asshole's facebook account.
Well of course. Mommy may be a slutty drunk but she ain't no idiot.
walked into the kitchen nd asked my mom what smells like tuna she replies" your sister" now i cant eat tuna...EVER!!!
so she bought me lunch gave me a blowie then paid for the gas since I drove... I think there's a catch but I'm gonna run with it
Its like I was sleeping with a kid. His gum fell into my hair while sleeping and he just wanted to cuddle.
She must have been at ribfest tonight because my dick smells like barbeque sauce
I took my pants off in the cab and tried to bite his ear. Not going oout for awhile
I can't believe i facilitated a beer for sweater vest deal last night...
You need to stop having girl talk with the guys I'm sleeping with.
I've decided that my night was probably over when I started eating the penne vodka with my hands.
So your telling me I can lick your ass but you CAN'T spend my money
She grinded so hard on my face that I've got rugburn on both eyelids
I'm eating ice cream out of my purse
I woke up handcuffed to a bed wearing nothing but an army belt. Does this count as thanking our country?
I regret nothing
Not even Married Dan?
I regret one thing
I miss the pre Covid days when we could meet men in bars. Hitting on guys in the grocery store is just depressing
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