I just told my doc I would like to talk about my drinking problem, but that it would probably get in the way of my weekend plans.
Okay call me later ill be watching lifetime and scrubbing throw up off my feet
So there is a chick dressed up in a vagina costume handing out free condoms next to the dude handing out free Bibles and preaching about sin. I love college.
Outside the community dumpsters: beer bottles and a carton of orange juice. Looks like we were here.
Yeah i'm definitely friends with drunk kyle, not sober kyle.
I just remember getting him back by licking the window on his truck.
He was at the bottom of the stairs showering himself with the popcorn, then eating a few handfuls and running around.
you have no idea the dirty thing i want to do to your blad spot. please wear my vagina as a hat.
God, you're amazing. I just want to hang out with you in the nude and watch Monty Python movies whilst we quip about how comedians just aren't as funny anymore.
Credit for originality. Points off for a mild to moderate creepy factor.
Balls deep in an Orange is the New Black marathon. Bring food and drugs.
I'll say this one last time. You are TWENTY FIVE YEARS OLD. You are not going to die alone and this is not the twilight of your life. Stop taking shrooms on your period!!!!
Science requires me to take a picture of your nipples.
I could tell my life story through kermit memes
The cop took you back from the hospital and the lady at the front desk said "how are you doing cal?" You said "how do you know my name?" she responded "you're the only person i've ever seen that can throw up in your back pocket." Skills dude.
I'm sorry for chipping my tooth on your vagina last night :(
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