I put cups full of chips next to every bed, couch, and toilet so that everyone could have a snack when they woke up....
she has her graduation year in her skype name, it's like a constant reminder that she's jail bait.
You opened a bottle of wine with a shoe and a wall last night.
So are you still down for me to come stay with you and just have sex on vicodin all weekend?
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Nah, this is the University of Tennessee. She'll get the clap, and get busted for having pot in her dorm by spring break. This time next year she'll be part-timing at a community college as a nursing major. So predictable it hurts.
I got sucker punched while I was making out with some girl...I think my molar might have flown into her mouth
you're right. a strip only looks good in porn . mine just looks like a fucked up mullet
Let's get matching tattoos, something that resembles our friendship
A tequila worm?
At one point I yelled "THIS IS MY PENANCE FOR EVERYTHING I'VE DONE WRONG" and started saying Hail Marys
Apparently I told him he would be good for human sacrifice.
I'm going to have to go for it. It's like Mt. Everest. It's large and unpredictable but I live for adventure and it's worth never coming back from. Mt. BigDick.
I'm over here trying to figure out how to get shake shack delivered to my bed and Jamie is having a child
I still judge her for aggressively trying to get coke from my date but pretty cool that she's a black belt
That's good. So do you know why there is a giant pile of old tires in the laundry room and kitchen?
Well we knew you needed some tires, found someone on the way home who was giving them away and took them all. Has to be 4 in there you can use.
Probably not. Getting pulled over and puking my guts out on the side of the road in front of the cop and him making fun of me, was not my finest moment. Plus I lost my debit card.
Randomize
