Alright folks.. i have made history - I just hit my 2nd PARKED car SOBER withing 6 months.. :*( wtf?!
I just saw a stripper wear a tube top around her floppy gut. God bless Michigan.
first day of class and my professor asked me if i was going to come to class drunk all semester.
Believe me. As soon as the boss man is out the door. I am on my way to wow your vagina with my horse-like attributes.
He put crushed up bacon in the joint and now we're listening to the Matilda soundtrack I have no idea what's going on
It is. We should just be drunk all the time forever everything is like just 90% more perfect
You sprinted into the side of a parked car
the only good thing about going home with him was that he was prettier than me.
The guys are trying to figure out my orientation....think theyve settled on "drunksexual"
She puked off the side of the cruise ship onto a newlyweds balcony table and they watched it all happen then they made her clean it up
HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED
As you were leaving you yelled at the owners that the stairs weren't suitable for "intoxacapated" people and promptly fell down them.
So I WAS right.
You coming to give me head and eat tacos?
I almost wrecked my car because of a guy in skinny jeans had a boner
I had to break up with her. She was sending me study schedules and recipes for vegan lasagna. I’m just trying to survive man
Randomize
