I was in the bathroom and heard my brother scream "YOU FAIL!!!", and I swear to GOD, I thought my penis was yelling at me.
this is like her 8th guy since december, is she wasn't frumpy people would call her a whore
I hate when people uglier than me have girlfriends
He has a tattoo of a carebear. This is not happening.
I've never had a better reason to do blow of a Pittsburgh strippers ass than to try and keep pace with my dad.
Weekday college schedule so far: get high as tits. Watch Family Guy marathons. Repeat.
Alas, very true. I'll sell some of my eggs and give you like 10%
And with my 90% I'll get a scooter with a sidecar. And a pony. Also with sidecar.
You sat on my knee, like Santa, while I peed.
You want to groom your chest hair? You mean with a little baby chest hair brush? Because that sounds adorable.
no we have a special triathlon I'm entering us in. drinking, fucking, and sleeping. I think we have a good shot.
Obviously last night's theme was "Let's Make Bad Life Choices"
Why is "Oprah of drinks" written on my arms?
You said to write it on you, after you kept saying, "You get a drink, you get a drink, everyone gets a drink."
well i maturbated this morning, which means the best part of my day has already happened.
Woke up on my sisters couch, and it was like the start of a Terminator movie,my brother in law was passed out on the floor naked in the fetal position. We now call him Arnold. It was an epic night.
I made you bacon and gave you a blow job. I'd say you had a pretty great day.
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