What about the words "You're my personal dildo" made him say "I love you"?
The ratio was 19 to 1 and the 1 was lauren so it didn't even count.
New scientific discovery: The hypothetical attractiveness of a woman increases exponentially as her skirt:boot ratio approaches zero. Nobel Prize in my future?
I found him crying and drunk, in my closet holding a picture of Tyler Perry. He managed to say"he's just so many people"
Glad we went casual last night, made my 1pm walk of shame through Walmart a little less obvious
Yeah got a self inflicted broken nose.
He tried to fight me not realizing that I work as a bouncer in the the same bar we were in. His night ended with him in handcuffs, missing teeth, PLUS I got his shots that he ordered since he didn't get to drink them.
Matt says that there are strip club auditions in our living room and he'd like you to audition.
And after that you guys started calling arbor mist "breakfast juice"
This morning I got out of bed 4 HOURS LATE, made eggs with a plastic beach shovel, and then ate them using pens like chopsticks in my bed with my turtle. Obviously, I am not in the mood to be proactive with my life today...
Dude, you're only mentioning the Bro Code so I can't get any
She came out of my bathroom wearing nothing but high top Converse, a leather jacket and a tongue stud. I love rock bars.
Sorry I peed on your ottoman
taking shots alone in my kitchen before I go learn to give a lapdance. when did this become my life?
Imp drunk. It'd free popcorn tuedday I love life.
Randomize
