If he looks like a Gremlin DO NOT get him wet.
Welll when you have a beer at 8:30 am you've already decided whaat kind of Sunday it ism
some people offered us free beer as long as we shotgunned it and after you shotgunned four without pausing they took their offer back
Midnight run for medical supplies ended several hours later with a lapdance to the Braveheart soundtrack.
We haven't said piping hot jizz in awhile... that needs to come back into our conversations
Shit ive learned: when going out to a party, always wear a bathing suit underneath just in case theres a pool with a roof next to it
Made out with a mannequin all morning in cpr training, so im ready to party
Summer bikini season begins today. I hereby declare the commencement of the 2013 HUNT FOR CUNT.
Fucked her on the patio while some dude drove by on a mower. He waved. Twice.
you fail at everything in life besides blacking out
We kinda got asked to leave the strip club and on the way out, you fell again. When you finally got up we got a standing ovation from the girls behind the bar and you took a bow. It was awesome.
He made me a flamingo drink and now I don't know why things are the way they are.
...I just melted into my bed. I am one with the bed. I am 600 thread count.
mother daughter bonding time. she's helping me make jello shots.
Grandma had me open the boxes that were delivered today. She got a sex swing, I've settled on "You go girl" as my official reaction.
Randomize
