Yeah unless I can find some idiot to make love to
Taking my final with a coffee mug full of keystone... best semester ever.
On my list on ridiculous morning after bus rides home, still sopping wet and carrying a giant straw hat is definitely top five
Come down. You're the next contestant on this bowl.
Thanks for gettin' me home, killa. Have no IDEA how I woke up pants-less on the bathroom floor at 4a.m. You're like a big, angry guardian angel.
I also was calling every child by their name "Birthcontrol" - straight people are fun
I have got to stop letting people hang ornaments from my nipple ring.
Tis the season.
I give up. I can't handle that class sober any longer. I have an army of whiskey shooters for the next three weeks. Wish me luck.
Grindr hookup awareness: always make sure that you agree to blow one person and they aren't bringing a Friend/boyfriend. Shits weird when you're sober.
I'm to sober to make life ruining decisions and alcohol is to expensive at this bar for me to fear that level of drunk happening
Your next boyfriend should be from MENSA...you're so smart, it's intimidating as fuck. My penis retracted in fear.
So many people have told me I have great tits tonight, I'm unstoppable
sorry didn’t mean to call you, i was just trying to put the t-rex emoji beside your name
I quit doing blow for him. If that doesn’t say “I’m in love with you and want to marry you” idk what does
Oh the sweet dreamless sleep of drugs
You? On what? Why?
Randomize
