the guy in front of me just bought a pound of bacon, a bouquet, and a case of budlight, i want to see THAT makeup sex
All I seem to do lately is get myself off, take naked pictures and drink beer. I don't know if thats a good or bad thing.
Umm ok I'm kinda freaked out right now bc the chick that lives next door is either having tantric sex or slowly suffocating her dog to death.
My friend just ordered a beer and poured it on the floor in celebration of open bar night
If you want to borrow my flask for all future interviews as a good luck charm because your last one went so well with it in your suit pocket, just let me know
We thought we were getting kicked out but then he started tickling the bouncer. Next thing you know the bouncers giving him a piggy back ride to the bar.
Happiness was finding the hidden Gatorade in the fridge
I've actually, minus lsat night have actually changed my drinking habits
You know I love you. I just don't love your penis.
Eating a TV dinner and watching Goosebumps on Netflix, the sad, sad title of my autobiography.
I just lit a blunt like right in front of an old man and I was like sir please shieldeth your eyes
Dude I am a waste of space, I just febreezed myself so I could go out and get lunch
Stop letting me drink while doing my makeup. I think I used sharpie for eyeliner.
what the fuck happend anyway? How did it go from smoothies after work to blacking out?
just saw a girl run into an automatic sliding door, back up and try again
Randomize
