Erica just called me. She woke up in a storage closet in Mike's building with one shoe and no bag. Can you check your photos from last night to see if she had it at the bar?
im marching my happy ass in there and im not leaving until he cheats on his girlfriend!
It started with Hannah Montana and ended with alcoholism.
how can you tell if its a queef or a fart from that close?
Andrew is trying to convince me that i took your virginity. Please tell me he is lying.
define virginity.
The only thing better than Call of Duty is getting jerked off while playing Call of Duty.
Beer vodka and pink lemonade powder mixed together. So. Many. Penises. My vagina will be calling out to them tonight. Coooooooooooooome.
We finally have the house to ourselves and your out playing Lance Fucking Armstrong
I'm so confused as to where the sexual euphemisms end and the drinking starts
Drunkenly making hamburger helper. I just whispered "I can't wait to have you in my mouth."
Saw a dude last night at a strip club's bar eating canned pineapple and giving tootsie pops to the girls...
according to the calendar even that i put in my phone last night, i'm supposed to fuck shit up at 11am today... i really hope i didn't miss something important
It's OK, I woke up in a drag queen's bed last weekend. It took me forever to get the glitter out of my cleavage.
Sorry didnt text you yesterday. had to put restraining order on my ex.
it's okay that you two hooked up in the family bathroom at the mall.. i just pray to god you were not making a family in the family bathroom..
Randomize
