I'm so high that a hulu ad convinced me to go on healthybaby.com
Drunk, high, and in a taco costume. Wish you were here.
Stage 55 clinger. not a typo. I cannot even believe this shit.
But she tried her best to break my penis, so she has a few free passes with me
She was so morning drunk she asked the lady at brueggers for a bandaid and my self respect back
She asked me to go inside, make myself a drink and slip into something a little more naked.
I was talking about you wanting my dick, but that works too
So I found a skull ring inside me this morning. I'm assuming its yours, so I'll leave it in my mailbox for you - it looks expensive.
I think the paper my teacher just handed back to me had one of his pubes on it, I'm way too hungover for this
ok now I feel liek a very drunk human instead of a chaos being thanks water
I woke up on a boat next to an extremely attractive man wearing nothing but a life jacket. Neither one of us owns a boat...
Just want the two of you to know, I went to a golf tournament today. Respectable, expensive… Flipped the golf cart. Seriously, I'm 40. What the fuck?
Oh. So it is a cult
Basically. But a nice cult. They eat muffins and talk about fundraising.
Hypothetically speaking how does one remove a lamp that they hypothetically superglued to the ceiling?
Acetone nail polish remover, and you lied about studying last night didn't you?
Oh definitely.
how the FUCK did i spend 25 dollars at 50 cent beer night?
Randomize
