sometimes I think that if I just met him. he would have a crazy realization and fall madly in love with me. what do you say? I'm not just another fan.
I just tried to put my feet in my slippers and found cans of beer in them. Christmas in fucking july.
You nicknamed her "lazy eye" and were screaming across the bar at her to buy you a drink...
He was wearing his Class of 2007 shirt so I sat there for 5 minutes and read all the names of the guys I can remember giving head to.
My google history shows every combination of "red lobster cheesy biscuits" possible.
She just rubbed her face all over pool chalk. I feel like it's time to go
Uhh, there's a legit bruise on my boob.. Again how does he manage this
It's like....nice talking about real estate but your son gave me herpes
You shouted "FUCK SHANIA TWAIN" and then downed an Aquafina bottle of white wine none of us knew how to react
It really does creep me out though that the next ten years will involve my friends creating smaller versions of themselves because to be honest I don't know how much I like some of them. So that thought it really scary
Yes sir I did. I'll be there with a guest. And no, my date won't be an escort.
Well if that changes tell the escort to bring cocaine.
I'll bring your "congrats on finally banging" cookies tomorrow, I'm exhausted.
So hungover and decided to eat a burrito and a pot brownie for dinner, this is what adulthood looks like.
Well supposedly when the cops came, they say I tried to get them in a conga line like Jim Carrey in The Mask. So....yea
My brain is a dvd screensaver and I'm allowed to have a good thought when it hits the corner
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