Google if cops ever smoke weeds and then bust them. I need to know immidiately.
but, i was nude. you really should respect my stupidity and delete them. please.
Have you ever noticed that nowhere is the same thing as now here, i get my best ideas when i smoke
I just saw a Kleenex commercial and thought about last night. I'm sorry about your hair.
I know I said I was done dating 22 year olds but it's not my fault all the guys my age gave up on life and got fat
I never knew so many sexual things could be done while wearing footie pajamas
why would you automatically assume i'm high...
you just told me you're eating the powder of a lemonade mix.
I feel like this is the moment of high where you have to write these texts down to remember to text them and feel that somehow this is important to the continuity of the world.
Oh yes there is. Now I'm the sad one. Please organize my life. And I will demoralize yours.
You called me your momma bear, and then demanded more vodka
You made out with both twins? Ten points to you!
party devolved into two exes battling with Cal's tiki torches, and the lawn being set on fire kinda sorta and then we all hula'ed... hulaed?
i feel like doing his laundry was not included in the job description when we became fuck buddies.
This should be illegal
It is
I mean more illegal... I shouldn't have this
Totally unrelated, but by the way I DO have one ball bigger than the other.
Randomize
